My Vows

 

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I have been dreading this post for a very long time now. Even though things worked out, some of the memories and hurt are still raw.

I wish I could say this was love at first sight.
I wish I could say this was from a fairy tale.
I wish I could say that this has been the most happiest experience in my life.
But I can’t say any of those things and once you finish reading, you’ll understand why.

Javier and I have always known of each other from meetings at our Kingdom Hall but we did not actually befriend one another until seven years ago. We instantly became best friends and spent so many good times together.
As best friends, I saw the good, the bad, the ugly, the heartbreak and disappointments Javier faced. I remained by his side through it all.
Whether it was personal, girl problems, or just needing to vent, I fondly remember staying up and sacrificing my sleep just to assure him things would be okay and that I was proud of him no matter what obstacle came.

As the years passed by, I grew close to his family to the point of where I felt like a sister. Sometimes people even mistook me for being a Garcia and not a Vargas.
As the years went by, our bond grew closer and our foundation for friendship was never stronger. In my eyes, we were strictly platonic and there was never anything more.

I had been asked, questioned and even teased about Javier having a crush on me but I never suspected anything because he was just a good friend. The way he treated me, he treated all his female friends. At least that’s how I viewed it until it was brought to my attention that Javier placed me on a pedal stool in comparison to his other female friends.

I started really paying attention to him and how he treated me, how he talked to me, how he introduced me to his friends and coworkers the few times I stopped by and I didn’t really notice any significant changes but after meditating on things and really dissecting previous actions Javier took, I started questioning things too. I put those thoughts in the back of my mind and ignored them.

Then one day everything changed.

I prayed because I didn’t want our friendship to change.
I prayed because I didn’t want our friendship to end.
I prayed because I didn’t feel the same way for Javier initially.
I prayed because I wasn’t in the right place in my life to even think about dating.
I prayed because I was scared and I knew that no matter what happened, nothing would ever be the same again.

Even though Javier initially tried to deny his feelings for me, he also felt he could no longer bear them in.
I felt very overwhelmed and dropped my phone and didn’t know what to do.
I snapped out of it and assured him it was just a crush and that since he was at a crucial age, things would change rapidly and so would emotions.
I guaranteed him what you want at 18 is not what you want at 21 and what you want at 25 is not what you want at 30.

From the beginning he was persistent that what he felt wasn’t temporary and that even though the timing wasn’t right and my feelings for him were not there, that maybe some day they would be.

We prayed together, we prayed individually and we came to the conclusion that we would speak to our parents to let them know that our friendship would come to a halt and why we no longer would be spending time together anymore.
We ended our friendship with the note that if Jehovah wanted this, wanted us together someday, that HE would make it happen down the road.

We agreed we would no longer hang out, text, call, take pictures, study together, or plan any future things and we didn’t have a designated date of when we would.
We even decided to not hug at meetings anymore and that if we happened to see each other, we would look the other way.

While I won’t go into too many details, know that after we expressed everything to our family, we had opposition on both sides. We even faced strong opposition from “friends.”

I was not baptized at the time, I was only an unbaptized publisher and had been for some time but was a few steps away from baptism. I was older than Javier. I was not the ideal candidate to date for my place spiritually and also emotionally. (I am not the most affectionate, expressive or loving type of woman.)

I had to face multiple people, very harsh words and abusive speech, judgment, ridicule and that’s not to mention the cold shoulders, silent treatments, ugly looks and disassociation I endured.
It was as if I was shunned.
Things got so bad that the very conversation of me getting baptized at the next assembly was pushed back and it was over a year before I could even bring up the subject again.

I went to meetings and carried on in life and felt like an outsider. I no longer was the bold, confident, strong Rocio I once was.
I was no longer wanted or welcomed with certain people anymore.
I was so discouraged spiritually, I even considered not studying anymore.
I got to the point where I really asked myself if I should leave the truth all together. (Keep in mind I am the only member in my family who is in the truth.)
I felt so alone and heartbroken.
I felt I had lost everything.

As if things weren’t difficult enough, I watched and heard through mutual friends that Javier was going on with his life. Partying, meeting other young women, growing as a young man and living a life without me and though it hurt, I had to let it.

I never wanted a relationship with anyone. I built my life revolved around me and my service to Jehovah. I never wanted to rely on any man for anything. It was not my desire to date or to be in love.

But why did I feel this way?

I cried nearly every day in 2015.
It was as if the tears I had saved up from all my years in life had finally been released.
I can’t say I’ve had a very hard life but I have gone through some very difficult hardships and even with those trials, my life had never been more of a mess with all that went on with Javier.
I was completely unstable and I didn’t know how to fix anything.

Even though Javier would try and speak with me at meetings, leave me little hints that he still cared, I felt I could no longer fight this fight.
I felt defeated.

Because of everything going on and the absence of everyone, I truly learned how to rely on God.
Never in my life had I talked to Jehovah so much.
From the moment I woke up until the moment I went to sleep, I talked to Jehovah.
In 2015, I really learned what it meant to feel Jehovah as my father, to be his child and to know that he felt every single emotion I felt and why I felt it.
I did not question why everything was happening, I just prayed for better days ahead.

2016

Not only did I publicly declare my life to Jehovah and get baptized in 2016, I was able to auxiliary pioneer and Javier and I were able to mend our friendship once again.
We did not rush into a relationship.
We had to yet again take more time to work on our friendship and make up for all the missed time.

The days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months and months turned into years and it was evident to everyone who opposed that this was not a simple “crush,” they initially thought it was.

In 2017, Javier asked me to be his girlfriend the day after he turned 20.
In 2018, Javier asked me to share my life with him and finally asked me to marry him.

We have loved, we have lost, we have cried together, we have cried apart, we have dealt with negativity, we have overcame and we have had to do all of that and more to get to this point in our life.
Javier is my loyal love.
Just as much as I could have given up on him, he could have given up on me.
True love waits.

Seven years of being best friends, three years of being in love, over a year of courtship and one hundred days until we say, “I do.”

The lesson I can share with you all is that sometimes Jehovah gives us things we never knew we wanted. Things we could have never imagined in life if it wasn’t for him.
I fell in love with someone younger than me who has treated me better than anyone I knew my same age, younger and older.
I never wanted to settle for anything less than I deserved with anything in life and after years of cherishing my solitude, at 26 I live confidently knowing I did not have to settle with a partner for the rest of my life. Never settle.

While we will not read our vows at our ceremony, I wanted to share them here.

My Vows

“Javier,

We have come a very long way and Jehovah knows if I wasn’t serving him with a full heart, I would have never reached this day.
You are everything I never knew I wanted.
You have cherished me and accepted me for years and you saw my true potential when everyone else passed me by or never gave me a chance.
I will never know what you saw in me but I am so grateful that you did.
Life is very hard and this world is very cruel but you make my life bearable.
Our love is just that, o u r love. Just you and I.
I vow to not ever let anyone come in between it.
I vow to not give up or give in with things get difficult.
I vow to never forget our past and to keep enduring.
I vow to remain loyal to you.
I vow to give up my freedom and independence for you.
I vow to be your companion eternally.
I vow to never violate you or lose your trust.
I vow to serve my life to Jehovah with you.
I vow to love you for the rest of my days.
I vow to be your wife, not until your last day but until my very last day.
I vow to forevermore be crazy, stupid, and hopelessly in love with you.”

Wholeheartedly,

Future Mrs. Garcia

#26

4/19/18

11:00 am
Helser’s on Alberta

Each trip I take, I think to myself, “Will this be my last?”
If so, I’m grateful for my years of freedom, for exploring, for my health and financial stability to allow me to come and go on this specific trip. Someday it will all be gone and even more sudden, it could all be taken away.

Today I turn 26 and as I sit here in a cafe waiting for the special I ordered and listening to The Supremes come in through the speakers, I thank God for my 26 years of life and the privilege of being a daughter, a sister, a granddaughter, and the most rewarding of them all, being an aunt.

I’m a few months away from taking on a new role as a wife and my life and my freedom as a single woman will change. Everything will change.
Maybe this will be my last trip as a single woman but maybe not my last trip period.

– Rocio A. Vargas

Four Generations

The engagement ring that I now wear has been passed down from generation to generation in my family.
It belonged to my great grandmother and a few months before Javier and I got engaged, the ring was passed down to me.

This ring is from the early 1940’s so when it was given to me, it was not in the best condition. It needed to be repaired and adjusted in more than one way but to know that I was trusted with this ring meant everything to me.
A ring is just a ring but to know that the generation of women who wore it before me stayed with their husbands until death, it’s very heavy.

When I received this ring, I knew this was the ring I wanted to wear throughout my marriage.
Prior to the engagement, Javier had the engagement ring and wedding band repaired, resized, added diamonds, polished and cleaned for the proposal.
I had only saw the rings in the original state so when Javier proposed, I was mesmerized at how beautiful the rings turned out to be.

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I look down at my ring and think of the dedication and hard work the women who wore it before me put into their marriage and how their examples have shown me the  capable wife I can and will become.

“Who can find a capable wife?
Her value is far more than that of corals.
Her husband trusts her from his heart,
And
he lacks nothing of value.
She rewards him with good, not bad,
All the days of her life.”

– Proverbs 31:10-12

With love,

– R. Vargas

On Relationships….

You may have noticed that even though I am in a relationship, I am very private about it.
While I am very proud and privileged to be with my partner, I do not feel the need to broadcast our relationship and here are the reasons why:

  1. It is nobody’s business.
    This is the primary reason and will always be the primary reason.
  2. Nobody cares that you are dating. If someone is that interested in your relationship, more than likely it is because they do not have one of their own and if they do, could it be that maybe they are trying to compete?
    While there are some people who are genuinely happy you are dating, there will be several bitter ones who try to stay close for the wrong reasons. Be careful.
  3. I choose to not broadcast every single thing because I know there are many great men and women who view my content whether it is my blog, Instagram, Snapchat, or just talk to me on a personal level who yearn for a special someone but who have yet to make that connection. It is very difficult and hurtful to see someone or hear someone constantly throw their relationship in your face.
    You do not have to act like you are single or never speak of your partner, maybe just limit yourself and put their feelings ahead of your own.
  4. I feel like when you constantly broadcast what and who you have, it backfires on you. Whether it’s a breakup or you leave room for someone wanting to interfere in your relationship. It all causes damage. So again, I limit myself and set boundaries. Social media can be great but it can also be very dangerous when involving your partner.
  5. I truly feel that if you have a great partner, a great relationship and you are truly happy, you’re not going to need to post or constantly talk about how happy you are. People will know, people will feel that love when they see it.
    Real recognizes real.
    If you have to constantly put your business out there, who are you trying to convince? Others or yourself?

Remember these are my personal beliefs and opinions, you do not have to agree with me or like what I said.

With love,

– R. Vargas

Lesson of 2017

“If you have the money, the time and the health, go!”

This past year has been full of success and determination. I made an Airbnb account in January of this year and booked four different trips around Texas. (Click here to save $40 when you book your first Airbnb trip!)

I traveled around every two to three months and had the best company every time. Each trip was different but just as special.
I often get asked:

  • Why do you leave town so much?
  • How can you afford it?
  • Are you scared to go on your own?
  • How does your boyfriend feel about you leaving?

I simply say, “If I have the money, the time and the health, I’m going to go.”
You don’t even have to go far or stay for that long. Just go.

I save for months at a time, even working two jobs from time to time when I know I have a trip in mind. I budget and would rather my money go on a trip than material things.
If I have the dates off from work or find a three day weekend coming up, I take advantage of it.
I am a 25 year old woman who has yet to get married, does not have children or any major debt to hold her down. I am still young and healthy and before I settle down into marriage with a husband and maybe children or become the primary guardian for my aging parents, I need to do this now while I still can.


If your circumstances allow you to travel, go and don’t think twice.
There will be a time that you have the money and the time but your health has declined.
There may be a time you have the health and the time but you are too low on funds.
What if you have the funds and the health but you have no time?

When you have all three things lined up, just go!

– R. Vargas

Three Year Blogiversary

Today marks my three year anniversary running a blog and documenting my highs and lows in life.
Over the past three years I have documented my relationships with family and friends, my crafts and DIY projects, my baking and cooking skills and most importantly my spiritual growth.
I really don’t know if I will ever stop blogging or stop sharing bits and pieces of my life but I know I have no intention on stopping any time soon.

If you are a loyal follower of mine, you may have noticed that I took my site down for a few weeks. It was under construction and I am really happy with the outcome of the layout, theme and new additions. I hope you all like it too!

In honor of my, “blogiversary,” I had a mini photo shoot to celebrate!

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Thank you for all the love and support throughout the years everyone.

Xoxo,

-R. Vargas

| All photography credit is due to the services of Javier Garcia.

25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 Years

This week I turned 25 years old and I spent the week reflecting on my past, my present and my future.

Here is what I have learned:

  1. It is OK to cry. It does not make you any weaker. If anything, it means you are growing, maturing and allowing yourself to feel some type of emotion.
  2. As a little girl, your mothers independence was something you always aspired to have. Even as an adult, she is still your hero.
  3. Love will find you. Let love in. Love always wins. Love moves towards love.
  4. Calling and visiting your grandparents is the greatest contribution to this earth you could ever give. Life is constantly moving and it stops for no one but it does slow down for them. Appreciate them while you still have them.
  5. Loyalty will always be the most powerful word in your vocabulary.
  6. You can build a reputation of not being friendly because you do not smile as much as you possibly can.
  7. Waving at random children just to see if they will wave back is one of your favorite things to do.
  8. Mexican men who have labor jobs are the hardest working men in this country.
  9. Value Jehovah’s creation at every moment.
  10. Never stop photographing moments or things.
  11. You will never be too old for one of dads lectures. Just listen.
  12. Have patience with others. Most importantly have patience with yourself.
  13. When one door closes, Jehovah opens another on his time.
  14. If you talk a big game, you better back it up.
  15. Always be proud of who you are and what you are.
  16. It’s never too late to take care of your body or to try and improve.
  17. Be encouraged every day.
  18. Surround yourself with story tellers.
  19. You’re never too grown for a piggy bank. Save your money!
  20. You are privileged.
  21. The beauty of pain is that it is only temporary.
  22. God is always with you.
  23. Love should never be mediocre.
  24. Remain humble. There will always be someone better than you.
  25. You have to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

 

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