27 Years of Reflection

Today I turn 27 years old and though I do not celebrate birthdays, every year I get older I reflect and meditate deeply on my life. 

I didn’t know what to expect from 2019 but I definitely didn’t expect to have so many trials this early in the year. I realize that I am not alone in the way I feel and that there are so many others right now who are undergoing the same thing and even more severe.
I used to feel so selfish for praying about what I was going through and asking God for help knowing that there are people worldwide who are wrongly imprisoned, starving, being brutally attacked, in hiding, etc. but after a best friend took his own life earlier this year, I realized that I too am allowed to hurt, to ask for help, to receive help.

I’ve spent 27 years of my life helping and giving of my time, my energy, even what little money I possess to help others. Without trying to receive pity, I’ve never felt I’ve gotten much help back and that’s okay because what I learn from the Bible teaches me that there is more joy in giving than there is in receiving and that God takes account of every single thing I do. No matter how big or small, he takes note of every single thing.

It wasn’t until Joshua’s passing that I felt so low and desperate in my mind that I finally realized I need help now. I am now open about it and open to accepting the help I can get.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have noticed I have been baking and raising money for NAMI and The AFSP in honor of a memorial fund I have set up for J. Jones. Since I have been dedicating a lot of time and energy into these two foundations, I wanted to share some information I think may help dealing with today’s anxieties.

NAMI stands for the National Alliance of Mental Illnesses and they offer free support to those who are in need.
These support groups are open to anyone and everyone. For veterans, for young adults, parents, Spanish speaking families only, caregivers, family and friends with loved ones who suffer from a mental illness and of course those who are diagnosed with a mental illness.

If you are looking for help in the DFW area, please click here for a full schedule and if you are elsewhere but still seeking help or are just curious, please click here to find a support group near you.

In May I’ll be joining my first family support group. This group is for adult family members, caregivers, and friends of people diagnosed with a mental health condition. I hope to learn more about mental health, how to deal with my loved ones condition and how to heal and find some closure within myself.

I will also be joining, “A Mental Health Walk to FIGHT STIGMA” on May 4th.
It is “NAMI’s largest mental health across the country. The NAMI Walks events bring together people of all ages and fitness levels to combat stigma, raise funds and promote mental health awareness. Each NAMI WALKS 5K event is a time to come together and celebrate recovery.”

If you are interested in joining me here in the DFW area, please click here.
If you are interested in a walk near your city please click here.

I am trying to find the balance between being a good wife, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a grand-daughter a Christian sister, a friend and a full time employee and the word overwhelming doesn’t even suffice.
Every single day has been a battle for me personally but every day I am learning how to cope, learning that crying is a part of healing and realizing that my problems and issues matter too.

At first I was isolating myself from everyone and turning down invitations to things because I couldn’t deal. I didn’t even know how to deal. But I’ve realized I needed to make some adjustments.
I’ve ended meaningless friendships, severed ties with family members who only come around when it is convenient and I am working very hard to cultivate a life that only brings me true happiness, contentment and as stress free as possible. I know a life like that seems impossible in this system of things but that’s what I’m striving for.

I know we are all dealing with something right now and I pray that you get the help you need. Whether it be physically, mentally, spiritually, financially or emotionally, I hope you know there is help out there.

Yours truly,



4 thoughts on “27 Years of Reflection

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