I’ve been studying with Jehovah’s Witnesses since I was four years old.
Once I became a teenager, my studying was irregular and was on and off again.
It wasn’t until I was 19 that I really started making the truth my own and my bible study became regular and so did my meeting attendance.
First I started every other Sunday, then every Sunday.
Once I started attending every Sunday, I started going every other Wednesday and it soon became every Wednesday.
My patient yet firm bible teacher saw my progress and we discussed joining the then, “Theocratic Ministry School.”
I was nervous but eager.
One night after our weekly meeting, we spoke to the elders and they approved and soon after that I was able to become an unbaptized publisher.
I felt baptism would come immediately after that but I was wrong.
I felt I was ready but I also saw Jehovah’s hand in many situations telling me that I was not.
It wasn’t so much that I was not ready to give up certain tendencies, it was more so that I needed to fully understand my dedication to Jehovah and the consequences that I might face if I did not.
I felt firsthand what it was like to lose a friend in the truth.
Whether they ran away, became pregnant, got reproved, got disfellowshipped, or just started doubting, I felt I was hopeless since many of my associates were leaving not only me but Jehovah and they were brought up in the truth. Their parents were Witnesses all their lives, some pioneers, some who had fathers who were Elders, I couldn’t understand how someone like me who had no family members in the truth could make it at all.
For years I felt stuck. Spiritually, I felt stuck. You see, I wasn’t going backwards yet I wasn’t going forward either.
I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to give my all to Jehovah in the way I should.
I held back because I felt others wouldn’t take me serious because I didn’t come from a spiritual family.
I held back because I felt I would fail Jehovah.
I held back because I felt I was never good enough.
I would gain a little confidence when a brother or sister would comment on how much they enjoy my parts or seeing me at the meetings but the more happiness I felt, I started looking around and realizing how vital a family unit is within Jehovah’s organization.
It wasn’t easy to attend meetings alone.
To study and meditate alone.
To sing and praise Jehovah alone.
It wasn’t easy to have the privilege of having parts on stage and praying a family member would attend.
It wasn’t easy to go to service alone.
To join in hospitality without a parent or sibling.
In the year of 2015, I mentioned in a previous post that I went through a few personal things that led to depression.
I’ve had time to reflect on things and I’ve learned that you cannot let what others do or say or even how they feel towards you, take you away from Jehovah.
Your relationship with Jehovah is just that, yours.
All the time I spent focusing on being alone, I didn’t realize the spiritual family I had supporting me the whole time.
With the loving support and patience from my bible teacher, my best friends, and a few encouraging brothers and sisters in my congregation, I realized I had a family all along.
I made my dedication to Jehovah in my heart and in my prayers a very long time ago but I knew there was one more step.
At the, “Remain Loyal to Jehovah,” 2016 Convention of Jehovah’s Witnesses, at the age of 24, I was finally baptized.
Thank you for all the love, support, prayers, and pleasant thoughts,