After the storm

The past few weeks have been a bit overwhelming.
First I started stressing out with things financially but I kept telling myself that Jehovah would provide with everything I needed and he did and continues to do so.
I had to take the good with the bad in that situation and though I didn’t have extra money to blow, all my bills were getting paid and I was able to go out in service more.
Struggling to get by financially, but doing better spiritually.

I then began to notice personal problems and problems within the family unit.
I prayed incessantly for guidance because I am known to hold grudges and bottle up my anger.
I couldn’t let things go and I was losing sleep over it. I couldn’t function right. I was on the edge.
I was letting my anger get the best of me.

As time went on, I kept feeling weaker and weaker so I decided it was time to make peace with myself and the few others I was holding back from.
One by one I forgave them and started feeling some closure.

When you forgive someone, sometimes you realize that you’re not only doing it for them, but also because you deserve some peace of mind too.

This past week, my biological family and spiritual family have both lost two dear loved ones.
One that lived a long life full of love and dedication to Jehovah and the other who was just beginning his life but had it taken away from him in a tragic way.

If you have been a follower of mine for awhile, you may know that I work part time at a hospital in the ER.
Working there never gets any easier.
The things you see, the things you smell, the tears and moans you’ll never forget, none of it is easy.
Even when I don’t know of the patient personally, it’s always a tug at my heart to know that they aren’t going to make it.
To know that they are living in their last few seconds of life and you, a complete stranger are there with them instead of their loved ones, it’s a very sad feeling.

Now I will be attending the memorials and funerals of two people I actually did know, and while I have the hope that they will be reunited with their loved ones again sometime soon, it’s still hard to do.
Since I’ve gotten the news of both of the departed, I’ve been in a bit of a depression which is common when you’re mourning but I know that once you’re in that hole of depression, it’s very difficult to get out.
I pray I never get so deep that I can’t get out of it.

I give myself reality checks from time to time to put things into perspective and focus on the good and what lies ahead.
And while it’s been a heavy week, I know that this is the best thing to do at the time.

I was too focused on what could have been lost and the time I wasted being angry, and what I could have said or did differently but today after my personal study, I realized that I need to stop focusing on the past and focus on what is in front of me at this very moment. While that might sound like a cliché, it won’t make an impact on you until you are moments away from losing a loved one.

Life stops for no one and I know that things will get more difficult before they get better.
I can’t overcome the trials that are up ahead if I’m ready to give up now.
So when I pray, I don’t ask God to give me an easy life.
I pray for courage and endurance every single day to make it out alive.

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“And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”
-Revelation 21:4

Xoxo,

-R. Vargas

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Just a proud Texan blogging about baking + cooking, crafting, gardening, journaling, preaching, reading, thrifting, and traveling.

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